If I Apologized

“If I apologized” is a reflection on the complexities of regret, vulnerability, and the inability of words to fully mend what has been broken. Created for the group show “The Song Remains the Same” at Atlantic Works Gallery, this piece draws inspiration from the hauntingly poignant song “If I Apologised,” composed by Iain Ballamy with lyrics by Dave McKean and Neil Gaiman for the film Mirrormask.

At the heart of the work are the words, “It wouldn’t make the darkness go away,”constructed from canvas-covered paper that rises from the surface of the canvas, creating a physical, almost sculptural presence. Interwoven through these letters are the song’s full lyrics, handwritten on thin translucent vellum scrolls. The vellum scrolls, delicate and semi-transparent, wind through the larger letters like threads of thought or fleeting memories, speaking to the fragility of the sentiments they carry.

Illuminated from above, the piece plays with light and shadow, with the vellum allowing light to pass through while the raised letters cast shadows, adding depth and nuance. This interplay underscores the tension between what is visible and hidden, said and unsaid, known and unknown—a recurring theme in both the song and the emotions it evokes.

Through this piece, I seek to explore how apologies, while heartfelt, may not erase the weight of pain or darkness but can still serve as gestures of connection and acknowledgment. It is both a meditation on the limits of language and an homage to the evocative power of music to articulate the inexpressible.